Monday, February 28, 2011

Chocolate Cake Makes the Blues More of a Gray

I fell out of writing the blog for a while. To be perfectly honest, I fell into a funk of interesting proportions. The kind that leaves you somewhat comatose and mentally listless. Why? Well, I'm sick. The doctors said Fibromyalgia initially, but landed on MS ultimately. I have, thus far, refused to lay down and just be the sick girl. (Yes, I said girl. I don't ever see a situation where I wouldn't consider myself a girl. Insert playful, impish My ego won't allow it. I am embarrassed by the woeful looks I get once and a while by the people around me who know my condition. I don't like it. Not at all. In fact, I get a bit angry. Even though I know it is all well-meaning and stemming from their love for me, I just don't want to be physically vulnerable, ever.  But, I'm tired.  I'm tired of the constant pain.  It's enough already.  Why can't this be enough already?
During this time I felt defeated.  Depleted.  Sad.  There's no way to effectively describe  depression to someone who has never experienced it before.   If you've never felt that sinking, hollow feeling in the pit of your stomach, you just won't get it.